Reap what you sow?
In most places in America and for most people that is how life is...
But of course my life has to contradict everything!
I've never denied where I came from, I've tried to always remember my past because it has made me the person that I am today. There are few people with whom I still speak to though, few people I feel are "worthy" of my friendship... There are times when I feel like I have turned my back on certain people because they are not good for me. I feel selfish, and like I act brand new... I know I am not, I know where I came from and just because my life is better now doesn't mean that I will ever forget how it was. I don't feel the way I do today because I think I am better than anyone, I am not! I feel this way because it is the truly the only way to not get sucked back into that type of life. I have to feel that way in order to be a better person for me...
Okay, a little off the subject but anyway...
Last night I went out with C. Nothing to big just to dinner then to play some pool. Everything was going good. C decides that she wants to hang out with this girl Amy. Amy is my friend D's sister. I've known her for ever just never really hung out with her, but C goes out with her all the time. At first everything was fine, we were all having fun then C wants to leave where we were at to go to the most ghettoist bar (yeah, I know that's not a word!) on the west side of Cleveland to check up on one of our friends bfs.
We were only supposed to be there for maybe 10 minutes. The next thing I know Amy is calling C asking where we are, cause she left the bar (she was our ride because I wont drink and drive). This bitch left us there!!! Fucking whore! But that isn't the worse part...
See, I've come to acceptance about who my ex is and what he did. There are a lot of people who don't like him, and in turn don't like me (even though we haven't been together for 2 years) Well it just so happens that some of these guys are at this bar, and it just so happens that they realized who I am. So while on top of trying to find a ride, I have this drunk ass guy telling me...
" I know who you are, but don't worry I'm not going to tell my friends.... But just so you know you should watch your back coming around here.. you realize what could happen to you, what these guys would be willing to do"
WTF?!!?
Of course he told his friends, so all night I have these guys giving me dirty looks. I had no idea what they were gonna do. I really don't appreciate being threatened, and I hate that I am being threatened because of something that I didn't even do! I mean, why do people have to hate me because of something he did. I know its the whole "if I cant harm him physically, then I'll hurt someone who he loves to harm him emotionally" But that is bullshit!!! I didn't tell him to do what he did, hell I didn't even know until it was done. So why do these wannabe "gangstas" find it necessary to hold me responsible for his mistakes? Fucking bastards! Ughh.... I thought all this bullshit was over with. It has been over 2 years since it all started, cant people just get over shit. Or cant they just hold him accountable for what he did, not me... All this has done is awaken the fear that I have been hiding all this time.
But of course my life has to contradict everything!
I've never denied where I came from, I've tried to always remember my past because it has made me the person that I am today. There are few people with whom I still speak to though, few people I feel are "worthy" of my friendship... There are times when I feel like I have turned my back on certain people because they are not good for me. I feel selfish, and like I act brand new... I know I am not, I know where I came from and just because my life is better now doesn't mean that I will ever forget how it was. I don't feel the way I do today because I think I am better than anyone, I am not! I feel this way because it is the truly the only way to not get sucked back into that type of life. I have to feel that way in order to be a better person for me...
Okay, a little off the subject but anyway...
Last night I went out with C. Nothing to big just to dinner then to play some pool. Everything was going good. C decides that she wants to hang out with this girl Amy. Amy is my friend D's sister. I've known her for ever just never really hung out with her, but C goes out with her all the time. At first everything was fine, we were all having fun then C wants to leave where we were at to go to the most ghettoist bar (yeah, I know that's not a word!) on the west side of Cleveland to check up on one of our friends bfs.
We were only supposed to be there for maybe 10 minutes. The next thing I know Amy is calling C asking where we are, cause she left the bar (she was our ride because I wont drink and drive). This bitch left us there!!! Fucking whore! But that isn't the worse part...
See, I've come to acceptance about who my ex is and what he did. There are a lot of people who don't like him, and in turn don't like me (even though we haven't been together for 2 years) Well it just so happens that some of these guys are at this bar, and it just so happens that they realized who I am. So while on top of trying to find a ride, I have this drunk ass guy telling me...
" I know who you are, but don't worry I'm not going to tell my friends.... But just so you know you should watch your back coming around here.. you realize what could happen to you, what these guys would be willing to do"
WTF?!!?
Of course he told his friends, so all night I have these guys giving me dirty looks. I had no idea what they were gonna do. I really don't appreciate being threatened, and I hate that I am being threatened because of something that I didn't even do! I mean, why do people have to hate me because of something he did. I know its the whole "if I cant harm him physically, then I'll hurt someone who he loves to harm him emotionally" But that is bullshit!!! I didn't tell him to do what he did, hell I didn't even know until it was done. So why do these wannabe "gangstas" find it necessary to hold me responsible for his mistakes? Fucking bastards! Ughh.... I thought all this bullshit was over with. It has been over 2 years since it all started, cant people just get over shit. Or cant they just hold him accountable for what he did, not me... All this has done is awaken the fear that I have been hiding all this time.
posted by lilly at 8:50 AM
Oh, just let that inner snob out and run with it! You're better than them all the way around so let it all slide off your back and move on. I have to do that every single day down here. Geez, these people don't even know what a good roller skating rink is supposed to look like. Honey, my nose is so high in the air you could shoot missiles up it!