Two wrongs don't make a right....

So I have heard... no seriously, they don't, although some times it might feel as if they do.

Well, were do I begin? Lets see.... the first night in sin city I fucked up badly... I'm actually surprised that the rest of the weekend wasn't effected because of my stupid behavior. To me what happened wasnt as bad as how it must have looked through his eyes, but I do understand why it looked the way it did.

I swear that someone must have slipped something in my drink, I don't remember anything. But I do remember that there was no way I drank enough to be that drunk!!! Everything was going good; we were at the club dancing and the next thing I know some girl pulled me away from A and some other person we were dancing with and started dancing with me. Well her bf and his friend started dancing with us. For some reason I didn't even realize what I was doing. It didn't seem to click that I was dancing with a guy... The four of us went to the bar to get a drink and the next thing I know one of the guys kissed me (he kissed me!)... The kiss lasted maybe a couple of seconds and there was NO tongue, but that was just enough for A to see. I don't know why I didn't move away faster... I honestly have no idea what I was thinking. ( just go ahead and tell me how horrible I am... I deserve it!)

Lets just say that that night didn't go very well... I tried so hard to explain to A what happened but I couldn't because I didn't even really know what happened. The next morning I felt so horrible. I told him that I understood why he was mad, there was no way to justify what I did and I would do anything to be able to take it back. Of course that didn't mean much, but I didn't know what to say, I couldn't even look him in the eyes because I felt like such a whore. That is not who I am, and that is not the type of person I want A to see me as. Of course he was mad, and that made him say that maybe I am a slut and just did a good job at making him believe that I am not. It hurt to hear him say that... but i deserved it... I don't want him to think that everytime I go out I dance with guys and let them kiss all over me. I don't!! I don't want him to doubt my loyalty to him... but Im sure he does now.

Later on that day everything just seemed to go back to normal. Like everything that had happened was forgotten. I'm not sure why though. Maybe he realized that I really didn't kiss that guy or maybe this is his excuse to level everything off between us with that horrible lie he told. I don't know. And as much as I want to ask, something is telling me to wait a while so he has time to cool off. I'm so afraid that if I bring it up now, he will not be so forgiving... I'm sure this has made him look at me differently, now his trust for me is probably gone. It feels like we just took 15 steps back in our relationship... Everything was finally getting back to normal, and now I had to fuck it up. I think... okay I'm not sure.. the fact that he didn't stay mad really has me confused, I don't know what to expect.

Well anyway, the rest of the trip was good... we just walked the strip, went to some bars, he gambled and that was about it. We ended up having to leave early because of some things happening back here in cleveland, it sucked but it was only one night early.

Was it worth it? of course not. But there isn't anything I can do to change what happened. Hopefully he can be as understanding as I have been and put this all behind us...